Saturday, May 10, 2008

Frustrated, Burned Out & Helpless

I am grateful on so many levels for my job at Beauty Bar. The job has helped keep my finances level ever since I left the Hard Rock over 3 years ago. To begin listing the amazing people I would have never met if it were not for that job would be a task I couldn't even begin. So, why? WHY? WHY??? Why am I tired of doing something that has only brought me good things? I still need the money and I wish I didn't. Why can't I make enough at the salon to not need any extra jobs? I'm so ready to kick Avon and Beauty Bar to the curb just because I'm so tired, overworked and frustrated. Life gets really sad when you can't even enjoy something you love anymore. I don't know how to fix it. I don't know what to do about it.
I sit here thinking about all the wonderful people who visit my table at Beauty Bar every week. I love them all. I get to connect with them for 20 minutes then like a revolving door, 20 minutes later there's someone new sitting there. I only get to scratch the surface. And I come home knowing that so many people genuinely like me yet I'm so totally empty. I've been fine with this as long as I've worked there but not anymore. Ever since Mark moved I'm starving for emotional connections. I never seem to notice it that much except for the days I work at Beauty Bar. And tonight sent me straight over the edge into bad attitude zone...
All I wanted to do from the minute I got to work was talk to this stranger with blond shaggy hair and eyeliner who had caught my eye. He came over and spoke with me for a minute and after every nail customer I told myself that when I was done I would take a quick break and go talk to him. But after every customer I had 2 more waiting in line and I was literally trapped at my table as hours dragged on. My attitude got crappier and crappier as I filed and polished as fast as I could. It was like fate was preventing me from talking to this guy. I was beyond frustration's breaking point and of course by the time I finally closed my shit up at 2:30am, he was nowhere to be found. All I know is that his name is Christopher and his birthday is June 6th. I'd give anything to see him one more time. After 7 months I think I'm kind of ready for another boyfriend. But more than anything I just want to work less than 40 hours a week and still have enough to pay my bills. I'd give anything to get 8 hours of sleep every night. What can I do to not feel cold, empty and frustrated? How much longer can I keep doing this? Helpless...

2 comments:

Stacie said...

Awww sweetie! I'm so sorry you are feeling this way! Burn-out is one of the worst things you can do to yourself...so hard to come out of it, ya know? Could you start increasing your prices at your current salon or move to a more expensive one? You shouldn't have to be working more than one full-time job, ya know?

Maybe I should take my own advice though. I am home crying on Mother's Day because:

1-nobody appreciates me as a Mother, or really anything else for that matter
2-I have 2 photography sessions I need to edit along with 2 graphic deign projects that need to be done, all on my own time (weekends or nights).
3-I am behind on all of my bills since they switched our paychecks from weekly to biweekly at work.
4-my air conditioning went out at home.
5-I just had a flat tire (now owe Craig $110 for the new tire).
6-I have to clean my house with no help from anyone else that lives in it!
7-I am exhausted!

It will get better though one day, right?

Stacie said...

By the way, where did you find that image? It looks exactly the way I feel right now!