Eighteen years ago I was suffering. I've never experienced such unbearable pain, no painkiller pills could relieve the misery. I couldn't eat and was hallucinating. I did this to myself. I chose to have breast augmentation surgery.
In 1996, I was very young and naive and didn't know much about anything. What I did know was that I weighed 120 lbs, my chest measured 32" and my hips 38" which made shopping for any clothing a depressing, frustrating hassle. Nothing fit right, very few things were flattering and I spent lots money at alteration shops. It was time to make a change. I wanted to feel good about the way I looked. I went to a flashy doctor at a big facility in a big city, seemed like the smart choice. It was a Friday and there would be no staff on duty over the weekend. I stayed the night in a hotel. They did the surgery without drainage tubes, since no one would be there during the weekend to remove them. I didn't even know use of drainage tubes was common practice. My body had to absorb everything on it's own. They didn't prescribe Valium nor any anti-anxiety nor muscle relaxing medicine for me, which I later found was also commonplace for doctors to do. What's worse was that I wasn't told that I needed to take pain medicine immediately upon filling my prescription post surgery. I was so full of morphine when I left the facility that I didn't feel a thing when I was discharged and went straight to the hotel and fell asleep. I awoke like a startling nightmare to crushing searing pain and I vomited. From that point on for the next 2 weeks, it was impossible to get a handle on the pain. I was so sick and dehydrated. Some Chinese mushroom tea was the first thing I was able to keep down after 3 days. At night, I couldn't tell if I was asleep or awake. It looked like snakes were slithering down the curtain panels. It was the longest 2 weeks of my life. I did nothing but cry between intermittent napping.
In time, my body healed. It took me a nearly a year to get used to my new body parts. I was thrilled with the way I looked and at all my new clothing options! The pain eventually was forgotten. Looking back now, I realize that had I given birth to a baby that day, I would now have an adult child. I made the choice when I was 17 that I was not going to have children and I've never once regretted the decision. Instead I chose a life of freedom....and breast implants. Some may think it's vain, slutty or somehow just wrong but for me it was none of that. The relief of having a proportionate body is immeasurable. The elation I still feel to this day to have my body on the outside match with the femininity I feel on the inside is also immeasurable. Happy birthday to the twins, although getting them was worse than childbirth, I still consider it one of the best decisions of my life.