Saturday, March 25, 2017

In The Light

Oh my beautiful friends! How many of you have stood patiently and encouragingly at my side. How I wish you could've explained to me that the remedy I was searching for was inside me all along. I have woken from my slumber.

The men I allowed to parade through my life were like nails in my coffin, one by one. The final nail sealed me in nearly 4 years ago but I was not dead, no, I was not finished. I've been like a vampire struggling and clawing at the darkness though the painful metamorphosis. Now I rise. I am lovable. I am good enough. No longer am I glued to the mattress of lonely defeat. No longer am I under a mountain, as I have commanded that mountain to move by the power given to me through Jesus Christ. No longer hiding under my black cloak, I have dropped my shields of invisibility. The dark veil of tunnel vision has been whisked away to reveal a new bright day where I see the friendly gazes and approving smiles of strangers and friends. Like the seed planted underground for a season, I stretch out my delicate arms reaching to the sky; my face like the 🌻girasol🌻 always following the sun. With my eyes on the Son, now I live in the light!

Saturday, March 11, 2017

The Blue Sofa

In 1990, as we were driving down a long country road in northern Indiana, I spotted a cobalt blue sofa in a driveway with a sign on it. Nearly gave myself whiplash as I jerked my neck around to get a better look. After passing it again later that day, I had to stop. Even though we didn't have our own place yet, as I was still in college, I had to have it. I begged my grandparents to let me store it in their garage. I paid the lady $10 for it and it was mine!

Everything was great until my family actually saw it. They thought it was the most ridiculous-looking piece of furniture they've ever seen. The cobalt blue fabric was faux fur, like a stuffed animal. It was extra-long with a low profile back and dark wood spindles propping up the arms. Two wood feet in the back, two rolling casters in the front. Truly the most unique piece of furniture I've ever seen from a company called Prestige in Monroe, OH. Still to this day I've never seen another one like it.
The more my family hated it, the more fiercely I loved it! When we finally got our first apartment, the sofa was the thing I was most excited about. A few years later, it was time to move into a bigger place, a 2-story townhouse. Since I always decorate my bedroom in blue, my favorite color, I envisioned the luxurious blue sofa in the bedroom by a window. However, much to my dismay, it was geometrically impossible to get this extra-long sofa up the stairs and around the tight corners into the bedroom. My little dream was shattered and I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed until I got a bloody nose. So it stayed downstairs and I eventually made the dining room into a reading nook/lounge and all was well.

In 1999, my dream of living in the desert became a reality. When I told my parents I was moving, one of the first things they asked me was, "What are you going to do with the sofa?" Taking it with me, of course. They threw a fit and yelled at me every reason they could think of as to why bringing it with me was completely stupid. This confirmed for me that moving was indeed the right choice as I longed to find other humans in this world who would actually "get" me.

So, the blue sofa made it 1800 miles and up a flight of stairs to my tiny apartment in Henderson, NV. I put it under the window next to the balcony and it was a source of much comfort for me as I acclimated to my new city. A year later, it made it up 2 more flights of stairs into the spare bedroom of the condo where I've been living for the last 17 years.

I didn't expect to stay here this long. As time went by, I realized I never sit on the blue sofa anymore. It was in a room that rarely gets used and it was basically like being in storage. So I decided it was time to let it go. But to me, it wasn't just a sofa. It was the first piece of furniture I ever bought. It symbolized my freedom and my individuality. It symbolized my fierce resolve to do exactly what it is I wanted to do in spite of what anyone thinks or says. A very big part of growing is learning to let go of things that no longer serve you. Besides my '99 Toyota, this was the hardest thing I've ever had to let go of.

Some buddies of mine offered to load it up and drive it out to an industrial area and leave it in an alley. I pictured us cracking open some beers and maneuvering it down the stairs, driving out to some warehouses, checking for the coast to be clear, dropping it off and hauling ass outta there Dukes Of Hazard style! Then all I could think of is looking out the back window at the blue blur of fur as if I'd abandoned a pet. I couldn't do it!! Like everything else, it had to be on my terms. I had to find someone who would give it the TLC it deserved and restore it. After some failed attempts online, I found a nice woman at an antique mall who thought it was wonderful and agreed to take it off my hands. She paid me $10 for it (!!!) and told me she'd send me some photos when they finished restoring it. Who knows....maybe I'll buy it back from her when she's done?

 She has definitely seen better days!