Cruel Summer

A lost blog post from August 12, 2008!

My social life has been revolving around downtown since Spring 2005 when I left the Hard Rock and started working at Beauty Bar. By early 2007, the bands I liked the most (The Vacation, The Lashes, The Shys, Diamond Nights, Wildbirds) stopped coming to town. Nonetheless, the whole year of 2007 was still exciting and fun up until October 2007 when Mark moved to Texas and Morpheus stopped doing Blak Fridays at Beauty Bar. Suddenly, I was wandering around with a broken heart and work wasn't fun anymore.
I do have to confess that before Mark even left, I knew exactly who I would be aiming to spend my time with downtown as soon as possible. At that point I made it my goal to throw myself in this person's way every chance I got and we became friends very quickly. I became more and more involved in his life as I tried helping him cope with his own broken heart. I would listen to him talk for hours and felt much like a counsellor...but listening and commiserating is what the greatest friends do, right? I needed some financial help and he needed all kinds of help so I invited him to live with me for a few months, hoping to get us both on the right track.
I thought he was starting to fall for me as much as I was for him. Even his friends led me to believe that. However, a couple misunderstandings/arguments were enough to make any feelings he might have had brewing for me completely dissipate. I left for vacation and he was seeing someone else within 4 days. I started getting lied to and my home became nothing more than his storage space, for which he hadn't paid rent since the 2nd week he moved in! "Jilted Hearts Storage Facility. When you're whoring 'em, I'm storing 'em!" is how I wanted to start answering my phone.
Prior to this, there had been a few guys that were interested in me and when I chose to try to care about someone again, I guess I picked the wrong one. We both had different expectations and we both ended up disappointed. This is SO not the way either of us wanted it to be, so why is it that no matter how much we talked we couldn't find a way to make things right?
So now that I'm done whining, there are many great things coming up ahead for me! While I was on vacation in Indiana, I decided I didn't need to waste my weekends downtown anymore...especially since the one I'd been persuing was now living with me. (Though at the time, I had no idea that was about to end too!) I called my boss and changed my Beauty Bar schedule to Thursdays. I felt the weight lift off my shoulders immediately! Thursdays are rock night anyway so I couldn't feel more at home! That was single-handedly the best decision I've made.
My weekends are now free so I can find lots of time to accomplish things. I can actually sleep at night like normal people and not wake up with a hangover (imagine that)! I can even find time to go on a date. However on a much bigger level, what I've decided to do is embark upon a new career opportunity for which I will be taking classes at the end of the month. I'm getting my license to sell life insurance!!
I'm also changing my scenery, so to speak. I will soon be remodeling my guest room by painting it yellow, moving out some old furniture and moving in my computer desk and some plants. I think I'm going to call it the sun room now..."office" just sounds too stuffy. The living room will get some serious reorganization as well. All this should start pointing me in a positive new direction. With a new part time career, new house stuff and some cool new friends that I've recently made...like Tesla says "it's gettin' better every day!"

As for my failed roommate/friend situation, I just keep praying that God will recognize the good intentions we both had and will reach down and help us fix the horrible mess we made of our friendship. I care about his welfare and and I hope we can forgive each other for all the stupid stuff and remember just the good. Maybe someday we can be the good friends we were trying to be from the beginning. Until then, I just have to dust myself off and start heading into a better direction.
Thanks so much to all of you who stood by my side through this past year!

---------------------------
"...now I'm the laughing stock of your joke. As crazy as it may seem, I cried for you when you told me to date all of the things that made you end up in my life. And I'll believe anything..."
"...at the end of my day I found out you weren't worth what I thought of you, what I thought of you..."
Thanks Coheed & Cambria, for putting it into words for me.

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